I feel now I’ve come to the point where emotion doesn’t rule everything, that I am able to function as a human being again, rather than a mass of tears, snot and hormones.
I’m starting with the most difficult. My pregnancy. I feel this is the most important place to start so you have a background of what we have been through. I don’t know why but I find this the most upsetting to talk about. Maybe it’s because I didn’t get to enjoy any of my pregnancy, maybe it’s because I didn’t get to buy all the baby stuff in the last few months, picking up cute outfits, picking my pram, counting down the days till the baby arrives, all the joy and excitement. Waiting for baby so we can celebrate together the new addition to our family, mine and Day’s new baby and Alfie’s new sibling. Maybe it’s because we’d done everything ‘right’ this time. This baby wasn’t to be a surprise, he/she was to be a very much planned for little brother or sister for Alfie (who was a complete surprise, but no less longed for). Maybe because we had planned everything we expected it all to adhere to that plan. Well I don’t think Arlo got that memo…
Age 21 I was diagnosed with polycystic ovaries, I was devastated to be told it was extremely unlikely that I would conceive naturally. However, being young, I sidelined this diagnosis and planned to investigate it further in a few years time, when I was settled and thinking of starting a family. But, much to the surprise and shock of us all, 8 months later I found out I was pregnant with Alfie and already 15 weeks gone! A true miracle! Although shocked, both myself and Day were over the moon. I’d not had to go down the route of IVF, a route a friend of mine was going down at the time I fell pregnant, so I had seen how difficult and heartbreaking it could be. Especially when I announced my pregnancy to her and she congratulated me before going into her office where I heard her sobbing. Although there was great excitement about my pregnancy, there was also worry too, I had been taking a drug for my diabetes that wasn’t licenced in pregnancy and no one knew if it would cause harm to the baby. I had also been on a few nights out, abseiled down a building and ridden every ride at Alton towers!! (This probably explains the fact my child is an adrenaline junky!) Anyway, after all this I had a fairly uneventful pregnancy and Alfie Jack Owen was born weighing an astounding 11lb 1oz and after a short stay in special care was brought home. Happy and healthy! Our first little miracle! 💙
Fast forward a few years, we had decided to be sensible for the first time in our lives and as much as we had both wanted another baby we had decided to wait until we were in a more stable situation before we did. In preparation I went on the insulin pump and I took all the pregnancy supplements in preparation. And before we knew it we were pregnant a second time. ❤️
Day was away the weekend I took the test. So I had to do another one the day he came back. I pulled a bottle of wine of the cupboard and stuck a label on it saying, “I’ll join you in drinking this DECEMBER 2016.” I also put on an apple pip, I was 5 weeks pregnant when I took the test and according to one of the 3 apps I had downloaded the instant I found out that’s how big the baby was at that point. We were both over the moon, especially since we were going to have another baby THIS YEAR!!
We went for a scan at 8 weeks, we were both nervously excited before this one. It was called a ‘viability’ scan. Viability. (I hate, hate, hate that word, you’ll see why later on.) Anyway, all was well we could see the little blob floating around with a tiny heartbeat flickering on the screen, showing a strong determination. We were assured that we were actually pregnant and that we should come back in 4 weeks for the 12 weeks scan.
We were both really excited for the 12 weeks scan, like giddy excited. I have no idea why. A chance to meet our baby again. Even though it’s through a screen, it’s an amazing chance to bond. Once again, baby was happily floating around. It was amazing to see how much he/she had grown from the first scan and from that apple pip at 5 weeks. Everything was perfect, absolutely no problems or worries at all, so we merrily got on with spreading the news we had been wanting to shout from the rooftops for the last 7 weeks… So we did, with the tag-line
EVERY SUPERHERO NEEDS A SIDEKICK!
Because at that moment, when you are so excited of things to come you don’t even bat an eyelid at the thought something could go wrong. You’re so caught up in that bubble of excitement that nothing can bring you down. We rode in that bubble, talking of baby names, buying baby essentials, dreaming of the future and how we would have a baby just in time for Christmas. 💙That was till our 20 week scan where that bubble was well and truly popped…